The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
