D3 body, D1 cock
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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