I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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