I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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