so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
