is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
