I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
