why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
