I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
