Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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