I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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