the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
