alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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