mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
