When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
