NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
