you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
