our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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