Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
