when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
