so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have fence marks all over my body
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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