I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
