So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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