hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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