maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
