We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
