Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
