"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
