Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
