my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
