Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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