So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
