Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
