the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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