we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
