left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
