She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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