Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
