....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
