I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
