can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
