You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
