Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
