Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
