he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
