This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
