You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
