I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
