I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
