What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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