she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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