is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
