Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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