You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
