My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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