i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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