i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
