is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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